Butter In My Hair

I didn't really like this. It's flat, unemotional, and as EnchantressMuffin said, very tell-not-show. Pretty pointless, in my opinion. Your subject matter was good-- war is something we all need ...

I don't think people who can't punctuate properly should write articles telling other people how to punctuate. Don't jump down my throat. It's just an opinion.

The writing in this was a little chunky and I think some commas would be in order. Also, when you have a dialogue that ends with "he said", the proper ...

This is really nice. I've only been a member for maybe eight hours but I still think it's funny. Very clever. An introduction to what I'm getting into, perhaps? ~Hair

I'd say that this is pretty feelingless as far as it goes. I am sure that Luke feels his loss very strongly, but as the reader, what do we feel? ...